Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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