We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
