she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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