We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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