Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
