My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Drunk is a universal language darling
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
