After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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