my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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