no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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