Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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