Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
