I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
