and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
