i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I deserve this hangover.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
