I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Still dying that you shit outside
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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