allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
