If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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