She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
