Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
