and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need moral support for this bender
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
