mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
