I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
