i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
