I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
