the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's always time for handjobs
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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