There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
