On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
