toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
