So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
