he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He kissed a someone with a penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
