Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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