did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
