matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
