I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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