I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
