My first STD was from a foam party
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
