five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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