Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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