Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
