To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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