His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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