What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
