I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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