I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
