Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
