i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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