You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
