You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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