Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
