apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
