Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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