I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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