Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
